MyJobGroup.co.uk

TwiCV

iPad

In June 2010, MyJobGroup.co.uk launched a candidate competition through the social media network Twitter. 'TwiCV' challenged candidates to condense their CVs into 140 characters and tweet them using the hashtag #TwiCV. Entrants were also invited to tweet spoof celebrity CVs, resulting in a great mix of entries, from Katie Price to Snoopy! When the closing date came around, five finalists and one winner was picked from over 200 entries.*

TOP 5 ENTRIES

@MuckyKisses: My 15 yr old son: Part time work required. Likes: Money, designer clothes, eating and girls. Dislikes: Work of any description.
@GTRussell: Buzz Lightyear: May only be a toy but has plenty of stories. A star at commanding attention, he will take the firm to infinity & beyond!
@Neilroebuck: Chuck Norris - Strengths: Everything. Weaknesses: N/A
@ChrisRowett: Andy Murray: Looking for temp work as of tomorrow. Likes: Tennis. Dislikes: Federer, smiling. Nationality: UK or Scotland - depending
@compergrapevine Snoopy. Qualified pilot and philosopher. Seeking job that involves lying down. Can speak to birds. No heavy labour please.

THE WINNER

@MuckyKisses: My 15 yr old son: Part time work required. Likes: Money, designer clothes, eating and girls. Dislikes: Work of any description.

Index - (entries in date order)

Jeff Goldlum - Likes: Earth girls Dislikes: Dinosaurs, aliens, insects, cliffs. Seeks job as sarcastic scientist who saves the world #TwiCV 27/06/2010
Nick Clegg: Politician, captain of Lib Dem debate team. Effective working on own or in team of political opposites. 01/07/2010
Experience: Office Manager & Digital Media Recruiter. Organised, fun, self-motivated, problem solver with the references to prove it! 01/07/2010
user experience professional, information architect http://jaalz.com #hireme 01/07/2010
PR account manager, worldly travelled, has raised client\'s AVE by 100 grand, got automotive client into More! & £1.4m PRvalue. Now available 01/07/2010
New Journo grad. Likes: subbing, magazines & reviewing music. Dislikes: bad spelling/grammar & over-hyped up bands. 02/07/2010
Ambitious genetics and bioinformatics postgraduate (top of the class). Work experience in both pharmaceutical and academic research. 02/07/2010
Gordon Brown: Unemployed. Reason For Leaving: Nick Clegg. Strengths: Fudging Numbers. Weaknesses: Old people, Bigots. 02/07/2010
Andy Murray: Looking for temp work as of tommorow. Likes: Tennis. Dislikes: Federer, smiling. Nationality: UK or Scotland - depending 02/07/2010
BA Hons Journalism 2:1, 100wpm shorthand, NCTJ news writing, hard working, accurate, good news sense, eager for his break in industry 02/07/2010
PR account manager,worldly travelled,raised client's AVE by 100 grand, got automotive client into More! & £1.4m PRvalue.Now available 02/07/2010
Graphic designer, Adobe guru, social media superhero, writer, usability expert who is easy to work with. 02/07/2010
Christine Bleakley: TV Presenter. Likes: Adrian Chiles. Dislikes: Matt Allwright, Jason Manford, Matt Baker., Chris Evans..... 02/07/2010
Jonathan Ross - Wecently made wedundant, looking for large salary, pwefewwably no phone calls involved. I like meeting people. @wossy 02/07/2010
Software developer: Java, Spring, Hibernate, Javascript, AJAX, jQuery, Linux, HTML, PHP. 7 years development experience. 02/07/2010
Fired from every TV presenting job, but will accept roles in rubbish movies. Looks great in a bikini. Kelly Brook, 34E. x 03/07/2010
Argentinian footballer with low morals & high skills. Took drugs & got fat, overcame both, now thinks he is a Manager. Diego Maradona 03/07/2010
A passion for media + years of office experience + (organised x reliable) ÷ (fun x friendly) = an employee and a ½ 05/07/2010
Take 1 scoop of efficiency, the zeal of 2 people, add essence of humour, then bake for 10 years in an office environment 05/07/2010
Freelance content creator & social media bod. Likes:new media, blogging and gadgets. Dislikes:slow internet connections 06/07/2010
Passion Enabler. Strengths: exploration, collaboration, monetization, celebration, inspiration, creation. Weaknesses: Chinese buffet. 06/07/2010
eMarketer, Adwords Guru and Freelance copywriter/blogger, obsessed with social media, good food and fashion. 06/07/2010
Virtual assistant - good with words, typing, answering the phone & helping small businesses. Hobbies: Growing veg & eating chocolate 06/07/2010
Maradona: Strengths: Dribbling, drug tolerance, cheating. Weaknesses: Germans, drug tests, saying 'no' 06/07/2010
Hard working, highly motivated, fast learner, computer literate, great communicator. Experienced and qualified in cust serv & retail. 06/07/2010
Snoopy. Qualified pilot and philosopher. Seeking job that involves lying down. Can speak to birds. No heavy labour please. 07/07/2010
Alice - follows rabbits, good with cards and cats, talks to animals, tests food and changes size, very creative #TwiCV 08/07/2010
A dollop of passion, the zest for life, add essence of humour, then bake in an office environment for 10 years @EleniAbbott #TwiCV 08/07/2010
Want: PR job in NY USC MA·Arts Journalism UCI BA·Eng/Dance Phi Beta Kappa Yoga Teacher Admin Asst. Real Estae Academic Counselor #TwiCV 08/07/2010
Tiger Woods - Wildly Energetic sportsman - "Likes" - Playing a round - "Weaknesses" - Birdies - "Seeks" career as divorce attourney 08/07/2010
Gordon Brown - "Strengths" - Hard to say - "Weaknesses" - Politics - "Hates" - Forgetting to remove microphones. Seeks role in bank 08/07/2010
Jordan - Surgery loving entrepreneur, Loves singing and sex - Weaknesses - Singing and sex - Seeks position NOT in kamasutra 08/07/2010
Noel Edmonds - "Strengths" - good Telephone skills - "Weaknessess" - Fat Pink spotted suit - Dislikes - Bankers - Seeks - new taIlor #TwiCV 08/07/2010
My name is Alla , I come from Latvia and I looking for Domestic Cleaner job. I have experience 3 month I work in Students residence. 13/07/2010
Capable,enthusiastic,sales Oriented professional excellent management skills to degree level, enjoys all sports, regular twitterer 14/07/2010
Jeremy Clarkson: British television presenter. Likes: Fast cars. Dislikes: the government, James May, speed cameras, politicians, my hair... 14/07/2010
Amy- follows random people around the streets, very good with her hands, talks to animals, very creative#TwiCV 15/07/2010
Journalist.sport reporter and sub-editor,four years on national tabloid.accurate,creative,keen eye for headline.sports mad - or sportistic 15/07/2010
has a keen interest in computers and likes going out is easy to get on with 16/07/2010
Amazing Head Teacher. \'nam Veteran. Likes: Mrs. Crabapple. Dislikes: Bart Simpson. 16/07/2010
Robbie Williams: joined Take That, got a bit fat, left, loves Angels & tatts, now back at #TakeThat. Back for good? #TwiCV @robbiewilliams 16/07/2010
Ann Widdicombe: Professional hair model and busting dance moves on the BBC #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Margaret Thatcher: Full time bitch 16/07/2010
Graham Webb: Great at cards and disciplining orangemen. 16/07/2010
e-business & IT geek. Broad sector & technical experience seeks Project Management, Business Analyst or Application Development role 16/07/2010
Robbie Williams: International pop star. Can work in LA or UK. Works well alone or in a team. Currently trying teamwork again. #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Paul the Octopus: Very good at predicting success. Likes water-based work. Would like to re-locate away from Germany. Soon. #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Nick Clegg: vibrant young leader - full of energy. Open and flexible to new ideas. Reference on request from Mr D. Cameron. 16/07/2010
James Corden. Wacky funster. No job too big or small. Likes: banter, Ingerlund, gavin & stacey. Disikes: scales, not being on camera 16/07/2010
#TwiCV HRH The Queen. Previous jobs: Princess. Qualifications: N/A. Skills: knighting, reading speeches. Dislikes: The Duchess of York. 16/07/2010
Damien Hirst - spin doctor. Well connected and creative, if a bit dotty. Great in the kitchen, my speciality is surf & turf vindaloo. #TwiCV 16/07/2010
RT @PaulCurses: God: creator of things. Likes: equality, love, worship. Dislikes: religious wars, racism, homophobia, Justin Bieber #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Katie Price, formerly Jordan. Business woman, glamour girl and jungle escapee. Has now embarked on a pop career. Powerful lungs #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Robbie Williams. Original boybander. Said 'Take That' n went solo. Turned to the Angels. Said he'd Never Forget, now Back for Good. #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Kerry Katona. Ex Westlife wife, jungle queen and Heat mag favourite. Was the face of Iceland. Now out in the cold.#TwiCV 16/07/2010
Jonathan Ross. Chat show host, film critic & DJ. Got joke vewy, vewy wong with former spanish waiter. Was BBC, forward mail to ITV.#TwiCV 16/07/2010
Ashley Cole - Stengths: Playing away from home, PR, mobile communications, driving. Weaknesses: (see strengths) #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Emile Heskey: Team player, hard worker, thick skinned, available to start immediately, references N/A 16/07/2010
Bob Marley, reggae super star: Likes: doughnuts with jam-in and deputies. Dislikes: Sherifs #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Lady Gaga: Singer Songwriter some say she can have a bit of a poker face; keen photographer likes to dress conservatively not ! #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Santa: Excellent Delivery Skills, Fast Worker, Good with Animals & Children, Managed Large Workforce Cheerful Nature-Overall Nice Guy #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Paul Gascoigne: Basic knowledge of English, seeks office with four well padded walls. Will accept salary in Special Brew and pasties #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Clint Eastwood: Experience working in the West, holds full clean driving licence, a real enforcer, Feeling lucky about this position #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Jamie Oliver - cheeky chappy, loves a bit of god food and tellin parents how to feed their kids. Thinks everything is pukka! #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Chris Martin. Likes Apples. Sometimes looks yellow, especially when having a rush of blood to the head. Likes hiking up Violet Hill #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Philip Schofield.Likes early mornings, twitter & Gordon the Gopher. Known to wear a colourful coat & can talk to the animals #TwiCV @Schofe 16/07/2010
Emile Heskey. Professional Footballer, great at keeping bench warm during the season, now free every summer break. #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Paul Gascoigne: Former Footballer. Likes: Chicken & Lager Delivery, Dislikes: Hangovers 16/07/2010
Chuck Norris - Strengths: Everything. Weaknesses: N/A #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Gordon Ramsey: Assertive. Strong-Willed. Leader. Pressure? F$*cking love it! Season. #TwiCV. DONE. 16/07/2010
God: creator of things. Likes: equality, love, worship. Dislikes: religious wars, racism, homophobia, Justin Bieber #TwiCV 16/07/2010
William Gallas: Footballer looking to win trophies after stint with Arsenal. Dislikes: St.Andrews & playing left back #TwiCV #Chelsea 16/07/2010
Janice Dickinson. World's first Supermodel, jungle graduate, plastic surgery fan, tends to get a bit hot at dinner parties. #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Sepp Blatter. Recently:Took a hard line to keep tech innovation out of football. Upcoming: Introducing tech innovation to football. 16/07/2010
Lord Mandelson: Politician, excellent party man, honest, loyal with perfect memory and good knife skills#TwiCV 16/07/2010
Cheryl Cole: Singer/Geordie. Likes: will.i.am & X factor. Dislikes: Ashley & Malaria. #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Thierry Henry: Fluent in French & English. Looking for a new challenge stateside. Very good at working with his hands #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Alex Reid: Former bouncer and failed Para, most recently a cage fighter. Nicknamed Rocky but is better known for being Mr. Price #TwiCV 16/07/2010
Jermey Clarkson, broadcaster, Likes: Genesis, Lamborghini Gallardo Spyder, Dislikes: Suzuki X-90, Louie Spence, Cars with 3 wheels 18/07/2010
Artist, publisher, art agent, amputee, web & graphic designer, festie crew boss, equality trainer, charity manager, retarded genius 18/07/2010
Robbie Coltrane: sex appeal matching my size, I can get in to your mind and am a 'wicked' wizard #twicv 18/07/2010
John Terry: Tall Bloke who kicks a round thing. Likes: his friend's partners. Dislikes. competitive sports 20/07/2010
Sir Isaac Newton: Scientist and mathematician who discovered the law of gravity. Attitude: Thought the world revolved around him #TwiCV 20/07/2010
Paris Hilton: Strengths sleeping around and dating lots of wannabes. Likes to pull faces. Seeks job as air head bimbo. 21/07/2010
#TwiCV The Wicked Witch, misunderstood, green exterior masks a heart of gold. Seeks post as carer. 21/07/2010
Mel Gibson: Movie Star/Director. Likes:Swearing,Booze. Dislikes:Women, Children and other races 21/07/2010
David Cameron rich wife 21/07/2010
Bill Gates, loads of cash with geeky glasses 21/07/2010
Jonathan Woss - Strengths screwing TV company for loads of dosh and acting like a naughty child with best mate Wussell Bwand 21/07/2010
Ashley Cole: Once popular UK & Chelsea footballer, likes self portraits & socialising in Spearmint Rhino. Could B on his way 2 Spain #Twicv 21/07/2010
Dr Gregory House MD - diagnostic genius, piano virtuoso, talented cook. Weaknesses: social situations, vicodin 21/07/2010
Gordon Brown - strengths: ....we'll come back to that 21/07/2010
Robbie Williams: Entertainer - strengths: can pull in a large crowd. weaknesses: drugs, alcohol and boybands #TwiCV 21/07/2010
Jordan: Model. Likes Attention, botox and money. Good Points: Good Sense of Humour. Bad Points: can't sing, dance or act. #TwiCV 21/07/2010
#TwiCV Gordon Brown: charismatic and caring, natural leader, excellent public speaker and economic genius. Seeking role as shelf stacker!!!! 21/07/2010
Lindsay Lohan-Likes; women, drinking, driving, wild parties. Dislikes; prison. Seeks an inside job. 21/07/2010
Kerry Katona-Qualities; Jungle Queen, Likes; Frozen Food, dislikes; Iceland. Seeks any job to get me on tv. 21/07/2010
Peter Mandelson, seeks return from dark side, would suit high profile employer with many secrets. 22/07/2010
#TwiCV Steve Jobs- Likes:Taking over the world w/ cool gadgets Dislikes:People complaining they r a bit faulty!"Well blahblah r pants too"! 22/07/2010
My 15 yr old son: Part time work required. Likes: Money, designer clothes, eating and girls. Dislikes: Work of any description. #TwiCV 22/07/2010
Katie Price: Likes Manly Men, trout pouting, silicon filling - Dislikes: Lip Synching, long lasting, paparazzi missing, quiet nights #TwiCV 22/07/2010
#TwiCV Brad Pitt - guaranteed to get the ladies swooning, acting skills not necessary 22/07/2010
Simon Cowell.Brilliant ear for music.Fab Fashion Advisor. Ideal husband material!!! #TwiCV 24/07/2010
Gazza. Emotionally Strong. Can Socialize without Assistance. Rather shy, doesn't like the limelight #TwiCV 24/07/2010
Edward cullen: Vampire student. Very friendly and good with people. Seeks job in the blood testing department at the hospital 24/07/2010
Homer: Likes: Beer, The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.. Dislikes: Mr Burns. Seeks job as beer and donut tester #TwiCV 24/07/2010
Doctor Who: Likes: Saving the world. Dislikes Daleks. Good time keeper and handy with a screwdriver. #TwiCV 24/07/2010
A God for everyone: Excels at doing good deeds and saving souls. Excellent listener and good all rounder. No weaknesses. #TwiCV. 24/07/2010
Davina McCall Likes: People watching and having babies Dislikes: Twaddle and discord. Suits job that involves smiling a lot #TwiCV 26/07/2010
Pat Sharp: enjoys designing and working in fun houses. Still partial to mullets but keeps it quiet. Will go to any uni fresher week! #TwiCV 28/07/2010
Noel Edmonds: enjoys opening boxes & swapping things. Hosts good house parties. No longer mentions fat spotty pink man obsession #TwiCV 28/07/2010
Chuckle Brothers: Fans of facial hair and falling over. Highly skilled at pronouncing 'to me' & 'to you'. Much older than you think. #TwiCV 28/07/2010
Kerry Katona: Likes: erm... bad things :( but sometimes good things :) This week Dislikes: Mark Croft. Would like boob job #TwiCV 29/07/2010
Joey 'Jaws' Chestnut: Likes, eating loadsa food really quickly and winning races. Dislikes, losing. Not a glutton for punishment #TwiCV 29/07/2010
Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards: Retired from skiing due to job going downhill. Plus point: Chilled guy. Snow joke, anything considered #TwiCV 01/08/2010
Duncan Goodhew: Likes: Swimming, gets immersed in work. Good with animals, once worked with Sooty & Sweep. Water you waiting for? #TwiCV 01/08/2010
David Brent: Likes: philosophy, music and comedy. A popular modern and politically correct man. Dislikes: Jobsworths and suckups. #TwiCV 01/08/2010
Cleopatra - make a good team leader - enjoys a good bang \' haircut \' pet hates Asps 02/08/2010
i have a bachelor degree in communication in high school in metz. I have work three years in the bank\'s in Luxembourg like BNP PARIS BAS 02/08/2010
Chris Hoy: pedals round in circles for a living. Enjoys collecting medals. Will advertise your bran based products #TwiCV 02/08/2010
Usain Bolt: Likes; breaking world records and being faster than you. Dislikes; being overtaken. One to keep an eye on, If you can! #TwiCV 02/08/2010
Paula Radcliffe: will run for miles to get the job done. Requires toilet close to workplace for those desperate moments #TwiCV 02/08/2010
Mr Motivator: Will wake you up early and get you sweaty. Likes; early mornings. Dislikes; The fact that the 90's has passed. #TwiCV 02/08/2010
James May: Currently has best job in world. Drives cars, drinks wine, been to space. Would like a change. Need funds for hairspray #twicv 02/08/2010
Scooby doo & Team. If intervening was an olympic sport, they'd win the gold meddle. Likes: solving mysteries. Dislikes: Old Man #TwiCV 02/08/2010
I am a very good listner, very good communicating to public.Have been hairdressing for 4 years. I am very bubbly person. 03/08/2010
Steve Jobs: Multi-millionaire CEO. Likes: Apples. Dislikes: Blackberries. Better to email me because I get no reception on my iPhone. 03/08/2010
Phillip Schofield: Likes: TV Presenting, working with go-fers, laughing, broom cupboards, ice skating dislikes: working fridays, #TwiCV 06/08/2010
Jack Bauer: Can save the world in 24 hours, therefore can do anything. Wont swear, prefer 'damnit'. Havent been to toilet for days #TwiCV 09/08/2010
Sir Steve Redgrave. Likes: Rowing. Dislikes: Falling out. Would like job with decent oarly rate #TwiCV 09/08/2010
Naomi Campbell: Model citizen, as she will testify. Likes: being super. Suit job as bed tester as taller people sleep longer in bed. #TwiCV 09/08/2010
Tony Hayward: empathetic and caring, natural leader, excellent public speaker and sailor. Looking forward to part time role 09/08/2010
Prince Charles: Likes posh buildings, the 3 degrees, wants new job in the palace when mummy steps down, need money for a hair piece 10/08/2010
Spanish Marketing Specialist offers to translate any kind of documents, campaigns or texts from English to Spanish. Seriousnes 10/08/2010
Dr Who: Likes - Time Travel Dislikes - changing faces.#TwiCV 10/08/2010
Boris Johnson: Likes the \'windswept look\' Dislikes - a hairbrush. http://www.myjobgroup.co.uk/TwiCV 10/08/2010
David Cameron: Likes \'tough talking diplomacy\' Dislikes results of \'tough talking\' diplomacy. http://www.myjobgroup.co.uk/TwiCV 10/08/2010
Diana Cordoba English - Portuguese - Italiano Nationality: Argentina - Italian. Executive Producer of animator for TV, film advertising. 10/08/2010
Oracle PLSQL, Powerbuilder 11.5, SQL Loader, 15 years SDLC experience in various companies in US. Auto Benchmarking Sys, Utilities,AT&T 10/08/2010
Batman: works 2 jobs (nocturnal crime fighter & industrialist). With own PA, known as \'Robin\', and very fast transport. Discretion assured. 10/08/2010
Problem-solver, Quick thinker, Team Player, Likes a challenge, Empathetic, Organised 10/08/2010
Peter Jones: Wealthy businessman always looking for new opportunities. Mates with Duncan Bannatyne. PJ and Duncan with less naff pop #TwiCV 10/08/2010
Problem-solver, Quick thinker, Team Player, Likes a challenge, Empathetic, Organised 10/08/2010
Robbie Williams: Likes: Lazy days and Something beautiful. Dislikes: Trouble. Job sound difficult? He can Take That! 11/08/2010
A. Schwarzenegger; actor, bodybuilder, politician. Likes: robots. Dislikes: predators, molten steel. Will terminate the opposition 12/08/2010
D.Maradonna; once a great footballer now skilled in management. Grown in size recently but still into sport. Very good with his hands #TwiCV 13/08/2010
David Beckham Ex talented footballer: Likes fashion & tattoos. Dislikes : Fabio Capello & Diving. 14/08/2010
Boris Johnson: Major of London and Torie Toff. Likes his own voice & Bikes. Dislikes hair cuts and Bendy buses 14/08/2010
Tom Cruise. Likes Motor Bikes, Acting (badly), and Stress tests. Dislikes Nicole Kidman 14/08/2010
Dr Who: Time Lord, hearts are in the right place, have own screwdriver, can adapt to change, no need for plastic surgery. 15/08/2010
Harry Hill:Funny man,likes TV. Ready for work fast - same clothes,no hair. Better than the opposition?Theres only one way to find out #TwiCV 15/08/2010
Lindsay Lohan- Likes: Parties, drinking, and clowning about. Dislikes: Time keeping, and being told what to do. #TwiCV 15/08/2010
Ian Holloway: Likes Tangerines. Dislikes: Custard. Strong points: Goal motivated and natural leader, able to make turf decisions #TwiCV 15/08/2010
H Blumenthal:Modern Wonka. Creations include snail porridge.Like:Liquid Nitrogen.Dislike:Food poisoning.Feast your eyes on my success #TwiCV 17/08/2010
Brian May: Queen guitarist, he Wants To Break Free.Hes not a poor boy, he needs to sympathy.Just wants a Breakthru'.He will Rock You! #TwiCV 21/08/2010
Kerry Katona:Bored of being in the tabloids,need new challenge.Enjoy junk food,but recently bankrupt.Thats cos my funds go to Iceland #TwiCV 21/08/2010
Terry Wogan:Suitable for any radio or tv work you have.Need excuse to get up early again.Will work hard so you can reach Eur-Vision #TwiCV 21/08/2010
Cheryl Cole: Got X factor, suit job reading announcements in tube stations - she has the sound of the underground #TwiCV 21/08/2010
Christian Dior: Fashion designer, always looking at the bottom line. Suit job as Dior to Dior salesman or man of the cloth. #TwiCV 21/08/2010
Ken Dodd: Likes: Diddy men Dislikes: The Tax Man. Suit job as Chancellor of the Exchequer so he can be reunited with his money. #TwiCV 21/08/2010
Tomasz Shafernaker. Previous role: bbc weatherman. Strengths: friendly banter with colleauges. Weaknesses: being caught off guard. 23/08/2010
Alex Ferguson: Manchester United, Likes: Excuses, Whisky, Time. Dislikes: Referees, \'poor\' time keeping\' #TwiCV\" 23/08/2010
Daniel Craig:Actor with good versatility.Likes:The Ladies and fast cars.Dislikes: World being in danger.Will Bond with the whole team #TwiCV 24/08/2010
C.V:Likes: The opposite sex. Dislikes: Divorce lawyers 24/08/2010
Me: Tall, dark, not so handsome. Full time engineer, part time MSc student. Always tired, hungry & broke.But always pretty damn happy #TwiCV 25/08/2010
James Cameron:Film director with ability to make billions.Like: Cash. Dislike:Marriage.Can create epic stories of Titanic proportions #TwiCV 25/08/2010
Davina Mcall: Soon to be made redundant after 10yr contract. Strengths: enthusiasm, talking - a lot, weaknesses: chat shows 25/08/2010
Rick: I'm pretty, I've got five O levels, blumming good grades considering I did sod all work 'cause im so hard. #TwiCV 25/08/2010
MuckyKisses: Civil Servant. Likes: Being employed. Dislikes: Uncertainty. Can make endless supplies of cupcakes and bad puns #TwiCV 25/08/2010
Wigmore-Drugworker, support worker, community dogsbody-needs job as bed&duvet tester! 25/08/2010
Mr. Bean: Likes: Minis, DIY and Teddy. Dislikes: light blue Reliant Regals, #TwiCV 25/08/2010
Spongebob: Loyal, good at cooking, soaks up knowledge, dress is impeccable. Some say I\'m a bit immature for my age - I prefer playful! 25/08/2010
Santa Claus: Gr8 with kids & other small people; good at meeting deadlines; speak many languages; have my own uniform and transport. 25/08/2010
Mario: Plumber, took the plunge and quit job as it was too much of a drain. Has pipe dream of being coin collector #TwiCV 26/08/2010
Tom Cruise: Big name, lots of talent. Makes a great Cocktail & wants you to show him the money. Can complete your Impossible Missions #TwiCV 26/08/2010
Mary Bale: Likes: Cats. Dislikes: Getting caught putting cat in wheelie bin. Job as invisible woman would be purrfect right now. #TwiCV 27/08/2010
Jeremy Clarkson: Always on the right track and crashes through any targets. Driven by success and insists on only wearing Top Gear #TwiCV 27/08/2010
Noah: captain of his own ship, excellent at counting & he's not afraid of the storm. Excellent at water sports & devoted to animals #TwiCV 27/08/2010
Itsa-me Mario: American Italian plumber seeks job. Able to break blocks with head, fly and eradicate mushrooms. Keen coin collector #TwiCV 27/08/2010
Gordon Ramsey: I f***ing cook! #TwiCV 27/08/2010
Harry Houdini: I thrive on tight deadlines, am very flexible. Current job feels claustrophobic - need to escape. 27/08/2010
Homer Simpson:will do stuff for food.Bounces back from most escapades.Experienced in space travel, nuclear power and looking after Spiderpig 29/08/2010
Prince Charles: environmentalist, architecture connoisseur, artist, Goon fan, happily married. Still waiting for the perfect job. 29/08/2010
Excellent Pyrotechnician If you want to contact Guido use email: Guido.Fawkes@Order-Order.com. 29/08/2010
Father Christmas: likes children, mince pies and reindeer. Dislikes: suggestions he should have CRB check. 29/08/2010
Kylie Minogue: High koala-ty icon from down under. Perfect neighbour. Suit job at Max Spielmann, hoping one day her prints will come. #TwiCV 29/08/2010
Humpty Dumpty:Despite being a good egg hes not worth poaching.Once pushed is likely to fall & crack up & future looks a bit of a yolk #TwiCV 29/08/2010
Fernando Alonso. F1 World Champion, wearer of Pringle sweaters and professional moaner. Arch nemesis of Lewis Hamilton. #TwiCV 29/08/2010
Simon Cowell: wrangler of sobstories,with power to turn exploitation into cash.Consistent wardrobe.#TwiCV 30/08/2010
Pinocchio: brave, truthful & unselfish. Fancies acting job, although is known to be a bit wooden. #TwiCV 30/08/2010
Katie Price: Current life is a Jungle,get me out of here.Like to keep abreast of things.Don't want to work in Yorke,as not a big fan #TwiCV 30/08/2010
Jack Hammer: Hard working, efficient and looking to break new ground #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Lindsay lohan: likes- girls boys drugs drink botox Dislikes - getting caught 31/08/2010
Buzz Lightyear:May only be a toy but has plenty of stories.A star at commanding attention,he will take the firm to infinity & beyond! #TwiCV 31/08/2010
a school teacher by day, a rapper by night and a graffiti artist in between. Whoop! #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Interviewed Martin Bell (man in white suit). WLTM employers in charity sector to prove my PR skills and use them to save the world! #TwiCV 31/08/2010
John McCririck: Hairy chopped punter, likes randy mares. Best in: jewellery.Form: Unfancied, overweight #TwiCV 31/08/2010
No need to search any further for an expert: I\'m Google Page 1 #TwiCV Larry Page 31/08/2010
Ewan McGregor: Previously a Trainspotter, want to become a Big Fish without going The Long Way Round. No desire to be a Rogue Trader #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Mad scientist: good communicator, poor socialiser, likes jargon, dislikes haircuts. Can do stand ins for Dawkins. 31/08/2010
nice guy, fixes computers and makes people happy 31/08/2010
Highly self-motivated and ambitious with extensive knowledge gained in progressively responsible positions. Extremely computer literate 31/08/2010
Captain James T. Kirk seeks position with adventure, prepared to go where no man has gone before! #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Jenson Button: Endlessly driving round in circles. Pays not bad though. #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Zebedee: Always ready to spring into action. Suited to evening shift at nursing home - Time for Bed *boing* #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Sven Goran Eriksson: Likes dealing with huge sums of money Dislikes being tied to one location for too long #TwiCV 31/08/2010
HRH Prince Charles: One likes to think that one day, one will be able to say 'ONE RULES!' , until then - ones's just temping #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Jordan: Have aspirations to be a Middle Eastern democracy but willing to work my way up from current role as media IT girl #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Avaleibal imediatly 4 secritareal work. Tipe 130 words a minnute, pheasant fone manna, egseelent literarsey skiles. Gr8 boobs. #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Mum: semi pro cook, cleaner and jack of all trades, exc man & time management skills seeks ft job with hols. need a break 31/08/2010
Paris Hilton: Teetering, tottering, jet-setting airhead, unwitting porn star and failed pop star who carries a dog and sells smells. #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Mel Gibson: You'll never take his freedom to cause offence to Jews, which he likes to do when he isn't working out What Women Want. #TwiCV 31/08/2010
Prince Phillip: A xenophobic, German octogenarian in high office, married to the face of British stamps. 31/08/2010
Paramedic: Doing the job of a doctor whilst squeezed into a car-wreck, knee-deep in water, in the freezing cold and in the dark. 31/08/2010
Film Crew: Making the stars look great as they forget their lines and miss their marks. 31/08/2010
Cheryl Tweedy: Can't sing, can dance a little, used up her sick days thanks to being bugged! 31/08/2010
Sylvester Cat very cunning, charming, hobbies bird watching and feather counting, Languages Meow and Purrr, previous exp cage cleaner 31/08/2010

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